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Presented by State Library Victoria

Return to Hell

Hi guys, I just thought I would share this piece of work to you. It is just the prologue, and I will probably continue to share the rest of it to you.
Hope you enjoy it!

Return To Hell…
The cold, crisp wind cut through the night air like a knife. The young woman hurriedly covered her legs with her cloak, fearing that it would catch her scent. She shook the falling snow off her hood, and turned the corner into a narrow alleyway. She tried to hold her breath; the air in the alley smelt disgusting, like somebody trying to mix vomit and bad breath. Se turned back for a second, to make sure no one was following her. She scanned the area, her breath coming in short, sharp bursts. She saw no one, and, relieved she finally blew a long breath. But she made a mistake… someone was. Scuffling sounded, and she turned. She caught a glimpse of thin, red eyes, pointed horns, and a cold wicked smile. The young woman’s smile slipped. “Well, well, well, Evelyn! I didn’t expect to see you here! We just can’t get away from you! Or more like, you can’t get away from us…” she, no, the thing, the devil hissed.
“I-I-I’m sorry, I did-did’nt m-mean it!” Evelyn stammered, while she shook with terror.
“Oh? You didn’t? I think you did. And I’m always right.” It’s eyes glinted.
Evelyn’s eyes widened. “No! Please! I swear I didn’t mean it! Please! Don’t do- wait…we?” she was confused about the choice of words the devil had used.
“Yes, we…” it rasped. Or rather, they rasped. Two more devils stepped out of behind it. The one on the left had four eyes, that glowed orange, yellow, dark purple and an eerie green. It almost looked as though figures were inside them, screaming to get out, get away, they were dangerous. they could kill them…

The first devil was child’s play compared to this one. The second one, on the right though, looked familiar. Almost like… “no it couldn’t be,” Evelyn thought. This one had fair characteristics, with a small, upturned nose, emerald eyes, and chestnut brown hair falling in waves down her back. The pretty one winked at Evelyn, and gestured to the knife at her side. “Or could it?…”
Evelyn couldn’t help herself from gaping in shock. This girl… no. She couldn’t think about her now. The three devils slinked closer. The beautiful girl raised her hand… and plunged the knife into the three-eyed devil. “Ack!” it hissed, and fell on the floor, writhing in pain. Surely a knife couldn’t kill it. But then Evelyn noticed. The ruby-hilted knife was covered with something. And it wasn’t just blood. Morbid. Well, the scientific name, morbidital thenseus. It’s nickname, morbid. Because the thought of it made you very morbid. So to say.
The first devil raised it’s eyes to look at the beautiful girl in black. She studied her closely with narrowed eyes, only just realising she wasn’t one of them. She turned to the chestnut haired girl and said in a lethal, dangerous, quiet tone, “for this, you will be my eternal enemy, You killed my sister. She will punish you in hell, I’m sure.”¬† It made Evelyn’s blood turn to ice.

The devil turned to the woman with chestnut hair, and said, “goodbye, friend. I hope you return to hell.”
“No!” Evelyn lunged toward her, trying to save the only friend she ever had known. But it was too late. there was a flash of red light, a huge thud, and then everything went black.

A high pitched scream ripped through the cool, night air. That scream broke many hearts that night. not just the girl with chestnut hair’s. It was a scream of pure terror, telling the world there was no hope. There¬†was no hope. There never would be.

If you had listened closely, perhaps you would’ve heard the chilling laugh of a devil, that had returned from hell. It was one that would drive you mad. To insanity. To the grave.



Intriguing! Maybe add some more characterisation of Evelyn to assert her as the protagonist (if she is!) and an active character. What are your plans for the rest? If you're happy sharing them :)

28th Jun, 19

First, thankyou for your advice. I'm going to try and incorporate that into the different chapters. Secondly, I'm not really sure where I'm going with this story but this is probably the main idea.
In all of the chapters, Evelyn is going to be a little bit different, because she is in different dimensions.
In all of them, she is going to be taken to hell by the devils, because she cheated death. Then in the next couple of chapters I'm going to talk about her backstory. I'm not really sure what it's going to be about, but I know it's going to involve the chestnut haired girl. Then the story is going back to hell, where the girls escape, find out where they're from, compare they're strengths, and get themselves out of there. I'm not really sure where I'm going to go in the end. I guess the options are that they can go on with their lives (but that's boring), they can sacrifice themselves for the world (but usually people get attached to the main characters so i can't just kill them)! or

29th Jun, 19

In reply to alexbailey

(the comment didn't allow me to write anymore!) the girls kill the devils and nobody go's to hell anymore, but that's a very predictable ending! And the Evelyn is in the wrong for cheating death! Any ideas someone? I'm out of them! (=

29th Jun, 19

In reply to alexbailey

Hmm. Tricky. It might help to figure out more of Evelyn's personality and her character development, as well as her relationship with the other girl. That might give you a better sense of what ending would fit best.

29th Jun, 19

Maybe change the devils' language to a more frantic, yet cold tone. Accomplice doesn't really flow well. And it is sometimes hard to tell who is saying what.

29th Jun, 19

Thanks bookwithbane! I'll fix it up right now. (=

29th Jun, 19